2006/08/05
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You will never realise how much u love, until u realise how much it hurts...
Time off...is hard for me...i know it is hard for u...but i don't think u will ever understand how much it hurts...i'm crying at work, n trying to avoid being seen by my colleagues in the so-very-small shop...i can't eat...i can't sleep...i can't even force myself to drink... i never thought u could arrive here in this very place in my heart...n i don't want to believe it...i want to think that i'm feeling this way because i'm over-reacting, that i'm being too dramatic...like how i always am with you...i want to think i made myself believe u matter this much...
Can we stand the test of time...can we? Will we? I need to know this...n i need to know ur decision...i need the answers, while u find the answers in you...so many questions...so many left unanswered...i know i can't rush u baby... i feel like i found a lump in my heart n took many tests n now i'm waiting for the doctor's test results...fearing for the worst...now i understand how that feels... I thought u'd be just another person i can get over quickly...i never thought i'd have thought wrong...especially when it comes to you...
Even when it's a mock breakup...(u don't see "time-off" as one..but i do...it is...)...i feel what it's like without u in my life...it's not like u're taking the time to think n to decide what u want...it's as if u're testing to let me see what i want...but darling...don't u already know? Don't u know what i think, what i feel, n what i want? I believe u do, don't u?
I'm trying to understand u...that u're confused...that u want to find out if u love me because i tell u i love u...that if it's real...of if it has become a habit that i'm there... I will be patient...though my heart doesn't allow tt...i will shut it up n lock it in my wardrobe drawer...until u let it out...
I never realised how much i love...until i realise how much it hurts...
L.O.V.E...
I thought i loved love...i was wrong...It's not love i love...it's you...
N i also know you, no, not the one i'm talking abt above...but u...might get very upset once u read this entry...
Please don't...what we share...is so much more than relationship love...it's something so much more close to heart... I don't know if u know what i'm saying...but i see our lives locked tight for a long time...if i may claim...a lifetime...even if u end up marrying someone else n me choosing to lead my life with somebody else...you're not the one i can be with now...u're not the one i'm with now...but u're also the one whom i've always been with...who's always there in my mind...I'm sorry i've to hurt u time n again...thru my blog entries...know i'm always there with u...though i can't be yours...you've been there for me so much....so much...i treasure u. i really do.
Posted by the babe @ 7:27 PM
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